Disaster Planning—The Undead Protocol

A disaster preparedness and emergency response plan is considered to be a core document for professional museum operations. The American Alliance of Museums (AAM) states that a good disaster plan needs to be specific to a museum’s facilities, cover all relevant risks, include evacuation plans and state how the collections will be protected during a catastrophe. It also should delegate responsibilities for staff members. As an accredited museum, the Pink Palace has a disaster plan that clearly establishes what should be done in the event of natural disasters, manmade problems and uprisings of the undead.

Zombie palace

In the event of a zombie apocalypse, all museum personnel will be notified by the administration that the undead protocol will be going into effect. While the staff moves to their assigned locations, the security guards will alert visitors via the speaker system that they should move in an orderly fashion towards the CTI 3D Giant Theater. Gift shop, membership and ticketing are responsible for securing the doors. Security will barricade the loading dock. Planetarium, special events and Bella Caffe staff will raid all refrigerators and store rooms for supplies. Public affairs will set up exterior surveillance while administration and facilities will be responsible for walking through the galleries to herd the stragglers into the theater. Education and CTI Theater will make the theater, lobby, classrooms and offices ready for the siege, including setting up triage areas. Finally, the exhibits department will find all sharp implements and create a stockpile in classroom number one.

Since the theater is located in the basement, it has the fewest number of access points, thus allowing for controlled movement. The loading dock will be barricaded using the equipment from the education labs. Once everyone has made it to the theater lobby, the doors will be locked. There will be no admittance once the theater doors have closed. Then we wait and hope the National Guard arrives in a timely manner. If the doors are broken, grab something and start hacking.

As for the collections, since the museum has no actual brains in the collection, they are expected to be safe from intentional destruction. The theater lobby and education offices do not house artifacts so funneling the zombies in that direction should avoid damages. Some objects may be broken or destroyed in the event that zombies do invade the building; however, after careful consideration, the staff has decided that it is most important to secure the living flesh. The artifacts will be carefully examined for damages once the zombies have been removed from the premises.

Additionally, no matter what he says, no one is to let the shrunken head out of his case.

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